Chin up

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.

~ Lena Home

It's scary how easy it is to feel sorry for yourself. When things aren't going the way you want them to, self-pity is a very enticing emotion. With so many sayings like "Mind over matter" and books like The Secret which preach positive visualization, it still seems like a logical option to take time to really wallow in negativity and grief.

I feel very fortunate that my life has been fairly "uneventful" in respect to tragic events. I have all my limbs intact, my heart was never broken beyond repair, and I am surrounded by people who love me; however, there have definitely been some testing moments where I have found myself broken down with grief and feeling completely hopeless. Pets have always been regarding as a member of the family, so having to deal with their passing was always very difficult. I've had my share of injuries that have threatened my desire to dance and be athletically active. Seeing my parents struggle and being helpless to assist them has definitely taken its toll.

But in the end, I've always made it through and continued to live a wonderful life. I can argue that a moment or two of self-pity is not as damaging to one's outlook and healing as a constant wallowing may be. In fact, I think it's natural to feel sorry for yourself. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective and realize there is always a lesson to be learned - a test of inner-strength. Sure, life's tough, but what are you going to do about it? How you handle those challenges is what makes you a stronger person.

To sir, with love

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.
~Author Unknown

Teaching in a high-poverty school district, I encountered several single-mom families. Some of my students talked about their dads who were in jail, others mentioned never knowing their dad at all. Looking through their official school files, I discovered many had birth certificates that didn't even list a name in the place a father should be. I heard a few stories that completely broke my heart, knowing these children were lacking a father figure of any kind.

Needless to say, I gained a new appreciation for my dad - a man who will never give himself enough credit for being a wonderful father. From early childhood to the present, I have so many fantastic memories of times when my dad has made a positive impact in my life. It's a well-known fact in my family that I am a total "Mommy's girl", but I have always considered my relationship with my dad to be completely special in its own way. I know I can call him anytime I need advice about cars, computers, taxes, credit cards, home appliances, or anything life may toss my way. He has spoiled me with material things all my life yet has shown me the important things in life don't cost a dime. I can count on him to love and support me, no matter what, which is probably the greatest gift a parent could offer.

I'm so proud of my dad has he rolls with the punches of life and surges ahead. He is an excellent role model in many ways, and I hope I will have half his determination when I am his age. I love my daddy, and I know he loves me!

The other S word

It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.
~ Anton LaVey

When we're young, most of us learned that "stupid" is a rude word to use in pretty much every context. I remember reading a story in my classroom that used "stupid", which prompted a collective gasp from my students...Did my teacher really just say that? As adults, I think we can probably all agree that there is definitely a time and a place for this word to be used, and there certainly are people who can't possibly be described as any other than stupid.

A few weeks ago, I attended a wedding shower/bachelorette party which included a trip to a local night club. This particular club was inhabited by countless drunk college-aged individuals. As I looked around, I began to notice some particularly stupid behavior. Call me old-fashioned, but I would say it's pretty stupid to stand on the top of a bar while wearing high heels and swaying from drunkenness. I guess I just don't see the point of becoming so inebriated that you have to be carried out the door by three stumbling friends. Stupid.


This evening, JC, my mom and I were returning home from dinner when a car accelerated through a red light, hitting an on-coming vehicle. If that weren't enough, the car proceeded to speed off, obviously fleeing the scene of the crime. So stupid. First of all, if you're going to blatantly run a red light, you'd better be prepared to face the consequences. Secondly, if you've been involved in a serious accident, regardless of fault, driving away is probably the stupidest thing you can do. Who knows what kind of futher damage you may do to yourself or others. To top it off, how far do you really think you're going to get in a totalled car? Mega stupid. I just don't understand how anyone would think that might possibly be a good decision.

I do have to admit, I may have done some things that would put me into the category of stupid. One thing that stands out in my mind happens to involve my sister, our black lab, and a posthole digger. We had discovered our dog enjoyed jumping over things, so we set up an obstacle course using various gardening tools, patio furniture, and pretty much whatever else we could find. One thing lead to another, and my sister ended up tripping and falling, her forehead landing on the posthole digger. She ended up with some stitches, and I reflect on our choice as stupid.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of excuses that can "justify" stupidity. In my first example, some may argue that drinking alcohol inhibits your ability to think clearly, and you're bound to make decisions you wouldn't normally make when sober. So, does that cancel out your stupidity? The hit-and-run idiot may have been in an emergency situation and unable to stop. But does that mean he isn't stupid for running the light and subsequentially driving off? My sister and I were very young at the time of our dog-jumping escapades. I think I was probably 5 or 6 and clearly not worldly-wise. Is being a child give you a free pass to make poor choices?

It may not be a poliet word to use, but there are certain situations that seem to warrant nothing other than STUPID.

Squeeky clean

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
~Roseanne Barr

I've always associated the dread of cleaning the house with the excitement of guests. Back in the days when my sister and I both lived at home, it seems like we always engaged in a giant scramble to clean the entire house when someone was coming to visit, whether it was a simple day trip or an extended stay. I'll admit, we pretty much slacked on our cleaning responsibilities (sorry, Mom) until that pivotal "now or never" moment. Things would stay clean just long enough for the company to enjoy our tidy home, then we were back to our old ways of swimming through the piles of toys, dirty clothes and lord knows what else. I'm in no way proud of my sloppy ways, and I definitely regret putting my mom through all that stress.

Now that JC and I have a place of our own, we've started adjusting to cleaning up after ourselves on a regular basis. We have divided some of the daily chores and try to keep things looking decent. For me, this is much easier now...not because I'm older and more responsible, but we often have friends drop by unexpectedly. I don't have time to engage in my traditional "scrambled cleaning" like I used to, simply because I never know when someone might pop in. I'm definitely appreciative of this lifestyle, giving me proper motivation to put my shoes away each day instead of piling them up in the living room or putting dishes into the dishwasher instead of lining them along the counters. Granted, I wish I was more prone to cleanliness by nature, but I suppose whatever works!

I still enjoy the preparations for planned guests (much like the one arriving tomorrow...). Now, instead of a complete overhaul, there is simple tidying and deep cleaning that takes place. This is definitely less stressful than a top-to-bottom cleaning, and it still helps me connect with that childhood excitement of visitors.

Life is a journey

"I always thought I would meet someone at work; instead, I met someone, then went to work with them."
~AC

This past week has been wonderful. Making the transition from the classroom to a cubical was not as weird as I thought it might be. In fact, I'm already feeling pounds of stress being lifted from my shoulders and am gaining a new sense of what I want out of life.

Because it was my first week, I wasn't able to start working quite yet. I really enjoyed the training model because it is based on job shadowing and hands-on experience, rather than being secluded in a big room, being talked at all day about company policies, dos and don'ts of the job, and a variety of other boring lectures. There are eleven people on my team (including myself and our manager), and each of us have a "specialized area" to work in, but we end up rotating responsibilities and helping each other when the workload because greater. I don't want to put too much detail into what exactly we do out on the internet for the world to read, but to give you a general idea, there is a lot of computer-based work to be done. Now that I know more about this position, I'm surprised that no where in the application or interview did anyone ask about my computer skills. Luckily, I feel comfortable and confident in all I will be doing, but this definitely isn't a job for the computer illiterate.

Overall, the best features of this position are the laid-back atmosphere, the variety and monotony of daily tasks, and only taking work home in the form of conversations with my husband.

Even though we have some pretty pressing deadlines, everyone in my department is very relaxed, laid-back, and genuinely nice. The majority of people bring headphones to listen to music while they work, there's flexibility in our work schedules, and walking around and socializing is actually encouraged; as long as the work is done on time and with a high degree of accuracy, it's pretty much an "anything goes" sort of environment. For me, this is a very welcomed change from the constant responsibility for 25+ little bodies where just a single moment of not being completely alert could result in disaster.

As I mentioned, each member of my team has certain tasks that they focus on, but we are able to do a variety of different things in one day. Call me crazy, but I really enjoy the consistency these tasks offer, knowing exactly what I'm going to be doing what I sit down at my desk in the morning. Again, this is a huge difference from the constant change you experience in teaching. Maybe another teacher is absent so you have to split their class and have 5 extra kids in your room all day. Or the copy machine suddenly breaks down and you aren't able to make those important copies you desperately needed for today's lesson. While some people like having to stay on their toes and be prepared for everything, I much prefer having a routine with minimal changes. Perhaps this says something about my personality -- I wouldn't say I have a difficult time adapting, but I definitely hate feeling unprepared and flying by the seat of my pants. I'll roll with the punches, though not to the extent of sacrificing my sanity.

During my interview for this position, on of the other managers asked, "How do you think this will work out for you, considering your husband also works in this area?" Of course, I gave the professional response of, "Both of us are dedicated to our jobs and would never let our relationship become a distraction", but I really didn't know what it would be like until I was in that situation. Honestly, I love knowing he is close by, but it really isn't distracting at all. We are able to take our lunch break at the same time which is great, but other than that, we pretty much keep to ourselves and do what needs to be done. It is pretty neat for me to finally understand all of the terminology he's been using for the last 3 years, and I'm able to make connections with his stories he has been telling. It's like we're finally able to talk the same language when we discuss the age-old question, "How was your day at work?" There's something really satisfying about having this in common with each other, and I can feel it's already brought us closer together (if that's even possible). As it turns out, there are several husband-wife teams that work on our floor and in our departments, so it seems others have figured out the benefits of working together.

Overall, it's going to be a wonderful new chapter in my life, and I'm so glad to have my best friend by my side.

It's off to work we go

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
~Confucius

Having just completed Day 2 of my latest (and greatest) job, I thought it would be appropriate to stop and reflect on all of the different jobs I have had in my 26 years. When taking into collective consideration, it appears as though I've developed quite a variety of skills and learned many different systems of "work" with their associated rules and expectations. I can also look a little deeper into what I truly learned from each position I've held, and I can immediately identify how my life was shaped by these experiences.

Position #1: Ballet Instructor (Age 13ish)
I consider this to be my very first job. Some may argue that "doing chores" or "being a student" may be the first job anyone has, but I think those are more like opportunities to learn responsibility. Let's just call them "pre-job jobs".

Position #2: Ice Cream Server (Age 17)
This was my first real experience with serving the public. Very quickly, I learned the in's and out's of management and the link between employee and customer satisfaction.

Position #3: Reading Tutor (Age 18)
As a work-study student, I was able to spend time at an elementary school working one-on-one with struggling readers. Being an education major, I thought this was the perfect job.

Position #4: Office Assistant (Age 19)
This position gave me the opportunity to network within the College of Education. I learned who all of the professors were, and they learned who I was.

Position #5: Summer Camp Horse Riding Instructor (Age 19)
Feeding, cleaning, and riding horses while sleeping in a tent for two months...you can imagine the skills acquired during this venture.

Position #6: Historian (Age 20)
Although this was a peer-elected position, I was paid for many hours of work on the Residence Hall Association executive board. I was also able to attend regional and national leadership conferences and gain experience in planning large-scale programs.

Position #7: Resident Assistant (Age 21)
I learned many lessons working as an RA in an upperclassman dorm. Many, many lessons...

Position #8: Jewelry Saleswoman (Age 22)
During my first week, I was the top seller. Though I wasn't there for too long, I definitely learned the art of sales.

Position #9: Waitress (Age 22)
Not only did I learn about the food industry, I gained a new appreciation for good service!

Position #10 and #11: Childcare provider x 2 (Age 22)
At this point, I was working three jobs at the same time, two of which were in childcare. Both positions were similar in responsibilities yet very different in nature of the work. In other words, some parents were very appreciative while others were not at all.

Position #12: Substitute Teacher (Age 22)
Finally! Something closely related to what I had spent four years studying for. My first day was a "baptism by fire" sort of experience, but I learned a lot about how to improv through a school day when there are no lesson plans to follow.

Position #13: Kindergarten Teacher (Age 22)
See above...and so much more.

Position #14: Summer Camp Lead Science Teacher (Age 23)
Although I felt more like a glorified babysitter at times, it did allow me opportunities to mentor high school students in the field of education.

Position #15: 4th Grade Teacher (Age 23)
In this position, I finally "settled in" -- I stayed in one place for three years. As you can clearly see, I have a track record which illustrates constant movement. There is definitely something to be said about doing (relatively) the same thing over an extended period of time...it's called a career.

Position #16: Senior Faculty Liaison (Age 26)
Although I have only been in this position for two days, I can already see how this will provide me with many opportunities to use skills I've developed in previous positions while also gaining new abilities.

The way I see it, the possibilities are endless when it comes to potential upward movement. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be adding to this list of job titles in the future. Watch out, world, here I come!

This may get a little long...

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?
~Lily Tomlin

When I got married, I wanted to have long, flowing curls. I succeeded in growing my hair out enough to have beautiful ringlets and achieve the look I desired. Promptly after my wedding, I did what many women do post-wedding -- I chopped off my hair. The main problem with my decision was, I went to one of those cheap haircut places and received exactly what I paid for. If anyone ever wants to see the hideous hack job I acquired, you can just take a peek at my license because the next day, I officially changed my name at the DMV and had my photo taken for my license that doesn't expire until 2049 (no, that's not a joke).

After that point, I went through spurts of growing it out, then getting a "trim" that turned into another hack job. Again, I kept returning to the cheapest places I could find because my motto is, it's just hair...it'll grow back. But eventually, I grew tired of walking into the "salon", excited to get a new style, and leaving disappointed and regretting my choice to pinch pennies. Last summer, after yet another hack job, I made a commitment to go through an entire school year without scissors touching my luscious locks.

It wasn't too difficult at first. Fortunately, my last "trim" created some side bangs that were so short I couldn't do much with it until they grew out. A few months into this experiment, I started second guessing my dedication. I was anxious to even out the layers and remove the split ends; however, I refrained and kept the growing going. A few months later, I started having major breakage problems. Strands of my hair were literally layering every surface of our house, my car, and anywhere I happened to be for any length of time. One morning, I heard JC pronounce, "How did you get your hair on the top of the shower door?" and often, "Geez, your hair is everywhere!" It was similar to those who have indoor pets and find fur on all of their clothes, in their purse, woven into the computer keys... Anyway, I knew if I didn't get a trim, things were going to get a lot worse.

I'm proud to say I made it from July to April without any fatal hair mistakes. On Easter weekend, I managed to actually get the trim I asked for at yet another cheap place. With my new career on the horizon, I decided I would actually pony up some dough for a decent styling at a hip salon today. My idea of "paying for style" was $30 or less. I happened to be out and about with a friend of mine when we wandered into a beauty supply place with a salon in the back. I decided to check out the prices and availability of an appointment. I was greeted by a flamboyant gentleman and saw on the price list that a cut and style was $35. I decided I'd be willing to pay a little extra with hopes of finally getting a great cut after two years of hacks. The gentleman said he could fit me in right away and if I signed up for a discount card, the cut would only be $40. I was confused... "Isn't a cut and style $35?" to which he replied, "Oh, I'm a Master so my cuts are normally $50." On the inside, I chuckled a little. On the outside, I let him know that was little more than I was looking to spend, but thanks anyway. I went back to where my friend was shopping for hair color, and the gentleman came over to inform me he had found a coupon for new customers that would allow me a $30 haircut. Sold!

The cut was/is quite fabulous, but I still wouldn't spend $50. While he was trimming away, he asked if I was a student at ASU. I suppose I should be glad to have such a "youthful" look about me, but I'm hoping my new cut will help me to appear a little more my age, especially now that I can tell people I work at a university.

Shifting gears

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
~Jules Renard

In the past 48 hours, I have spent more time asleep than I have awake. Yesterday, from the time I originally work up to the time I went to bed was only 11 hours, and there were at least 2 hours of napping that took place. This is a remarkable feat for me, considering it wasn't long ago that I was spending 14+ hours each day just at work, let alone being awake. I feel like last week and half has felt like I giant exhale after a relaxingly deep breath. I know there are things I could be doing, but I'm more content to just sit and soak in the moments with no commitments. Even in my childhood, we were constantly running from one thing to the next, whether it was Campfire Girls and piano lessons, or horse camp and ballet recitals. Even in college, I worked 20 hours a week on top of taking a 18 or 19 credits every term, including summer classes. This is probably this first time in my life that I've felt like I really, truly, honestly have had time to do nothing and not feel guilty.

Of course, I'm not saying this lack of activity is a better choice. I know myself well enough that being busy makes me happy. I enjoy having things to do. Perhaps my new career will allow me to have more things to do that are my choice...like hobbies. I would love to take some cooking classes or maybe even start reading books for pleasure. I'm looking forward to having free weekends with no trainings, workshops, or other important-yet-time-consuming activities. I think there is a big difference between being lazy and simply doing whatever you want to do. I look at this more like my opportunity to stop and smell the roses instead of constantly running so fast that I don't even notice the flowers exist. While it might feel a little bit like being lazy to me, I think it is a healthy change of pace.

'Droid does

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.
~J.K. Rowling

Technology astounds me. Growing up during an era of ridiculous advances, I like to consider myself pretty tech savvy. I know my way around most computer programs: I can successfully download music and upload pictures, I've created a handful of digital videos completing with editing, titles, and animation, I am able to type at fairly high speeds with great accuracy. Let's not overlook the fact that JC and I own two laptops, two desktops, a Playstation 3, an XBox 360, a Wii, an Ipod, a few MP3 players, two digital cameras, and a Flip video camera. We also currently have a digital weather station mounted on our roof, a huge collection of DVDs, and two different home theater systems. Now that I think of it, we're borderline technology-oholics. But the current "top dog" of our collection: two Motorola Androids.

Yesterday, FedEx delivered our beautiful new phones. JC and I immediately set about exploring all of the settings, features, applications, and various "bells and whistles" of these hand-held monsters. I set up my contact list online and was able to snyc it to my phone, we played with the amazing cameras (complete with zoom, autofocus, and a flash!), we downloaded free ringtones and discovered how to transfer music from our computers to our phones. We became so wrapped up in our little machines that 3 hours passed with us plopped on the couch, staring at the larger-than-normal-yet-still-too-small-to-stare-at touchscreens.

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I have fallen in love with my phone (especially after yesterday's post). I can't believe all of the wonderful things I can do and the ease of use! I give 'Droid five stars, two thumbs up, and a virtual high five. But I wonder if my endearment is based on my gravitation toward all things technologically advanced. For example, would my parents be as excited with this phone as I am? On the flip side, will my two year old nephew someday regard the 'Droid like I do a typewriter? With this type of technology become "old" in the future? I can only imagine where we will go from here.

What's love got to do with it?

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I feel so lucky to have always been surrounded by love. Growing up, there was never a single moment I questioned the love of my parents. I know there are a lot of people in the world who can't say the same. I am also grateful for the love I felt from our various pets. No matter what others say, I know animals have the capacity to give and receive love much like humans. Maybe it is a different kind of bond, but our horses, dogs, ducks, and even rats touched my heart much like a best friend. Even now, with my cat curled up beside me, I can't help but smile and feel that warmth that comes with feeling love.

I truly believe that love makes life worth living. Giving and receiving love is the best feeling, and even though life is difficult at times, love seems to make everything ok. Being married for almost two years has allowed me to feel different level of love.
*Warning* I'm about to get sappy... JC is truly my best friend. Of course, we have our disagreements, just like any friends would. I just absolutely love spending time with him, whether it's trying out a new restaurant, adventuring on a road trip, or flopped on the couch watching a sit-com (or sports). I love being in love with him. Even when I am in an insanely grumpy mood (yes, it has been known to happen) or crying for absolutely no reason (yes, it happens, too), having his love makes it all ok. Living far away from our families, we've had to rely on each other a lot over the last three (almost four!) years, and I think it's made our bond even stronger. In a sense, we've grown up together, maybe not during our childhood years, but into adulthood. That is the kind of love I always wanted, and now I have it.

Love truly does lead to happiness, no matter what kind of love it is. When I think of all the love I have in my life, I can't imagine ever being inconsolably unhappy. It seems like I always have something to smile about.

Zzzzzzz

The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.
~Edgar Watson Howe

If someone were to ask my husband the one thing he finds most annoying about me, I know exactly what he would say: "She sleeps on the couch all the time!" Yes, it's true. I am a perpetual couch napper. I can't help myself! There's something about the couch that seems to lull me to sleep no matter what time of day. The sad part is, it doesn't seem to matter if it's our couch or someone else's. In my defense, there are instances when I make the conscious decision to partake in a quick cat nap; but I must admit, most of the time, my body seems to be acting on it's own agenda and quickly reduces me to a drooling fool. Yes, as if napping on the couch wasn't bad enough, I'm also quite a drooler.

I would say the majority of my naps have not been my intention. The most frustrating part is when I try to fight it. I think everyone has experienced the "fight of sleep" at least once in their lives, so you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. It can almost be a painful experience. You become aware that your eyelids are closing on their own accord, your head is becoming heavy, your breathing starts to become slower and deeper. You manage to shake yourself awake, to pull away from the looming slumber that is peacefully drawing you in. You try readjusting your body position, sitting up straighter, crossing your legs, maybe even engaging in conversation with someone in the room. Inevitably, that sleeping feeling creeps up again, slowly wrapping you in its pleasant, floaty grip. It comes to the point where you have to decide -- is it really worth the fight? What harm would it really do if I were to fall asleep right here, right now? By the time you answer those questions, your body has already decided for you, and you're out like a light.

Because most of my naps happen when our tv is on, I usually fade in and out, incorporating whatever is on tv into my dreams. This is the perfect set up for some wacked-out dreams. Most recently, JC was playing a baseball videogame while I was drooling away beside him. I proceeded to have a dream that I was playing his game and doing quite well. I remember people watching and commenting on my expertise. I eventually went on to win the game, at which point I woke up to see JC had just finished (and won) his game. It's amazing how our body continues to do so many "normal" things while we sleep such as hearing, breathing, and sometimes, talking. Apparently, I've done my far share of making comments about tv shows during my naps.

Maybe someday I will buy a wooden bench to place in our living room, just to see if that makes a difference. Perhaps there is no one to blame except for the soft, cushy, snuggly couch.