For the first time in a really long time, I feel confident, capable, and ready to tackle life. A big change from my last post, right? There are lots of things that I can attribute to this dramatic improvement, but the most noticeable difference is my weight. I am down to the lowest weight I've been in the last four years, and only five pounds away from my pre-wedding weight (for some reason, that seems like an important benchmark). At this point, I've lost just about 25 pounds since the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life. Ironically, the heaviest version of myself will forever be immortalized in a documentary I was part of. I think it will serve as a permanent reminder of where I never want to be again. Though it is slightly embarrassing to see myself like that, and it's very easy to use the old excuse of the camera adding 10 pounds...so do pizza and fried foods. The food choices I was making were pretty horrific, and just plain unthoughtful.
When I was younger, I was blessed with an amazing metabolism. In high school, I was extremely active with ballet. I was dancing at least two hours every day, sometimes much longer. Even then, I was not making the best choices with what I was eating. On my way home from dance, my dinner of choice was usually McDonald's. I would easily put away a quarter pounder with cheese and super size fries. With all of the dancing I was doing, I never really gained the weight I should have with these calorie-loaded meals - but imagine if I had instead eaten some grilled chicken and vegetables.
About the time I headed off to college, my body started to change. Not only had I reduced the amount I was active, but I was continuing to eat whatever I felt like eating, whenever I felt like eating it. In addition, I experienced some pretty high levels of stress and depression my freshman year. All of these factors resulted in the significant weight gain, really the first time. Like many young women, I started to have a very negative body image which resulted in dabbling with anorexia, then swinging like a pendulum into binge eating. There was actually a point when I had a jar of peanut butter under my bed which I would mindlessly eat with a spoon. It's a little astounding to think back to that point. While I've had a few other low points and difficulty coping at times, that was pretty much the bottom for me.
Last summer, I really thought we were moving back to Oregon. I had successfully navigated the interview process for a position with the Department of Education, and I was convinced the next call I received would be a job offer. When I opened the e-mail which read, "...we have selected another candidate", I was devastated. But for the first time in my adult life, I used the negative feels to fuel a fire. I slowly started to discover the difference between what I can and can't control in my life, and I started to exercise again. I really wasn't too consistent, but the fact that I had started moving helped some of the weight to begin melting away.
It wasn't until October 2012 that JC and I really started to make serious changes in the way we ate. Since I had tried the South Beach Diet in the past with some success, we decided to use that as a guide for improving our food choices. While we both have a great appreciation for delicious, decadent food and tend to eat out quite a bit, we've really started to make better decisions, focusing on moderation and portions. I'll admit, we definitely could be more committed to the diet, but we've made great progress. Ultimately, I am much more aware of what I'm eating and conscious of what I'm putting in my body than I've ever been. This is definitely a step in the right direction.
Rediscovering zumba was also a game-changer. I love zumba. It has become such an addiction, partially because of the fantastic workout, but also because it helps me connect with my inner dancer. Dancing is such an important part of how I identify myself, and it is so gratifying to have found that love again.
I feel amazing. While I know there is still progress to be made, I finally know I'm heading in the right direction. I'm figuring out what works and using it to my advantage. Ultimately, I am proud of myself, and that in itself is a great accomplishment.
