It all seems to stem from the realities of life - life as an adult. While I greatly appreciate the freedoms and experiences of being an adult, I am extremely envious of my younger self who was blissfully unaware of just how much it hurts to age. I feel like I have much to celebrate. Just one week after my 29th birthday, I officially completed my second Masters degree and added a school principal certification to my professional tool belt. Unfortunately, that same day, my Yaya was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that began a rapid decent in her health. Early this morning, she passed away in her sleep. As much as it hurts to lose my grandma, I am beside myself with worry about my own mom. The last few years, it has been difficult to live far away from my parents, knowing they are essentially alone and, like everyone else, dealing with the effects of age. I have taken such comfort knowing my mom and Ya-Ya had each other for company. Their weekly culinary adventures have been a highlight for both of them, and for me to hear about. This connection and bond between them has provided a much-needed filler for my mom with both of her own children living in distant states with visit few and far between. Not only will my mom experience the pain of losing a parent, she and my dad will once again be alone.Of course, the age-old advice of taking comfort in the happy memories helped me through the day, reliving some spectacular times that I shared with my Yaya. She truly was an amazing woman, one I always looked up to and who truly lived life to the fullest. My sister wrote a wonderful blog post, and I'd like to share some of my own memories which will probably not make any sense to the outside world but will (hopefully) prompt a laugh or two from family.
- Yaya was quite the avid smoker in my early years, and I remember happily climbing into her lap as she'd puff away, often commenting on how much I enjoyed the smell of smoke. I remember my mom was horrified that I would perhaps become a smoker myself, but I've actually never put a cigarette to my lips. And today, I am very repulsed by the smell.
- I don't know if I have an actual memory of the "stepford parties" or if my memories are merely aligned to the multiple video viewings over the years. I do know that Yaya was always quick to partake in the silliness of these parties, putting on lip sync performances with eccentric costumes and choreographed dance moves.
- Yaya always lived near the beach, and often had access to a pool. It took me a while to overcome my fear of water when I was young, and I never really was a swimming enthusiast, but I remember finding much comfort in Yaya's arms while splashing around in the pool at her apartment.
- When we moved to Oregon, Yaya would make the long drive up to visit every Christmas, timing her visit with my annual performance in The Nutcracker. Over the years, she would come bearing many gifts wrapped in beautiful paper, earning her the name "Yaya Claus". She would also pack a cooler and grocery bags filled with the flavors we craved but couldn't find in Oregon - Marie Calendar's potato cheese soup and jalapeno-flavored refried beans.
- One year while visiting in Oregon, she made an impulse-buy that forever changed our family. Maggie. I wish I could find a picture of this puppy who later grew up to be a monster dog, full of love and energy. I know Maggie's passing was extremely difficult for Yaya, though the void was soon filled by Buddy, the most loving cat I've ever met. Buddy and Yaya were quite the pair, and I know he brought much joy to her, even in her last days. The truly exemplified an unbreakable bond between pet and owner.
- When Yaya moved to Oregon a few years ago, it was almost like a rebirth for her. She was more active, more involved in the community than I could ever have imagined. She has seen more of northern Oregon than I have, and I am so thankful to have shared in her adventures via all the photos she's posted.
I don't think it's really hit me that she's gone. I'm still struggling with the constant realization that JC's father has been gone for over a year. I'm tired of cancer interrupting...and ending...the lives of people I love.
I am very thankful to have many memories to hold on to, but memories will never replace the laughter and hugs from Yaya.
